i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
