I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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