Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
