If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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