On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
