U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
