Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
