he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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