Please, let me fuck your mom
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
