Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
