can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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