Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
