bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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