my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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