OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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