So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
did i just pee glitter
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