You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
