My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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