he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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