AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
