you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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