U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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