My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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