Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
