I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
