he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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