They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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