the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
