WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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