Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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