don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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