Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
