I want to stick my p in your. b.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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