I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
