You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
