and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
