Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
