When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
