Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
