Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
