i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
