I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just gargled with NyQuil
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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