is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I forget how to act sober
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
