You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
