I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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