omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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