That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
