So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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