This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
