Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
