she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
