I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
