i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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