I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
this hospital has no fireball
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
