sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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