I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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