Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
