remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
