So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
