He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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