So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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