Are we in a gay sports bar?
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
